DeletedUser
Issue #40 Monday 12th November 2012
**************************THE ATLANTIS STAR***********************
****************************************************************
-----------------------Bringing you all the latest Guild News-------------
**The News In The Guild**
So it's the beginning of a new week and with it brings new problems to solve and new gossip to report. 'The Star' had an eventful weekend so we look upon this week as a fresh start for all things concerned. Today has seen all manner of achievements so maybe we should get on with telling you about them.
Today saw 1 returning player rejoin Atlantis. 'blzbob' was last seen heading back to Hell in order to pay 'pradeepprotex' a visit leaving Atlantis in the process. However when he arrived in Flame Land he found that 'pradeepprotex' had left to go and visit him. This mix up was most unfortunate but 'blzbob' has returned to Atlantis and by begging for 5h was allowed entrance once again into Atlantis by our Leader 'John Galt'. Both 'blzbob' and 'pradeepprotex' have now met once again and are apparently enjoying each other’s company.
This turn of events has lead to 'empted' being kicked from the Guild. He was found dead on the steps of 'Hokage14's' Public Bath covered in women’s swim suits. When 'doctiny628' was eventually called he diagnosed that 'empted' had died of a Heart Attack or natural causes. The Atlantis Police Force (APF) has not yet decided whether or not the swim suits are a factor in the case but 'Hokage14' said a few words to our reporter as 'empted's' lifeless body was being kicked out the front doors of Atlantis by 'John Galt. "I really don't know what happened; we had just come back from our weekend match and decided to go nude for our daily rubdown. Big deal". 'Hokage14' obviously underestimated the one weakness of a man.
Science news now and 2 Guildies make that eternally long process of moving into a new age. 'Lord Farral' has advanced into the LMA which is just as well seeing as he is our eyes at the frontier. "We need the best technology available at all time here at the frontlines" was his response to the news. We couldn't agree more 'Lord Farral'. But it was 'dommie' who shook the labs today by advancing into the CA by inventing Muskets. These new weapons will help 'dommie' conquer new territories and help defend his city 'NO POLISH' from invasion. Although anyone who has been to 'dommie's' city 'NO POLISH' really wouldn't know where to start. Confusing.. Hmm..
**Other News**
Tarquin was ecstatic today after he, she, it received another letter from another Guildie. It would seem that there are more problems to solve (hopefully) than was first anticipated. Don't worry though Atlantis. We as ever will always try our best to tackle any problem head on in the hope of making your lives that little bit easier. So pom pom's at the ready it's Tarquin Time.
******* Tarquin Buttockclencher, the answer to all your little problems *********
"I'm a little tea pot small and stout, here's my handle, here's my spout"
'Oh, Hello guildies, didn't see you there, I was just practising my poses, you know how they go... that's it Lord Zand put your hand on your hip... OOOoooh it quite suits you. Hey Burnside, now you do the spout bit..
They are not very happy today... But I AM. Yes I have received another letter from one of our guild members so that means I get to stay for another week at least. PLEASE help me stay longer guildies, PLEASE send in some more letters, I would hate to leave all you deliciously adorable people.
Anyway, onto the letter, It comes from a very strange sounding character who I really don't know if I could trust. Lets call him 'Sailor Ape' just to keep him anonymous. Here is his letter.
Dear Tarquin,
I am a long time reader, but first time poster.
First of all I would like to congratulate you on the comfort you bring to your readers. I for for one have had many a restless night's sleep comforted from the power of your soothing pen. (Well top marks for flattery my luv). My problem is thus. I have taken the decision to grow a moustache for MoVember. Unfortunately this has not gone quite to plan. Initial hopes for proceedings were for it to have a Burt Reynolds kind of effect, as it turns out it's more like a Brendan Brady!
Work colleagues can’t look me in the eye, I can't get served at the local inn and the mythical tickle button is still, well a "Myth". Am I grooming my Moustache wrong? Should I continue?
Other pro's and cons of Moustache's would be greatly received as I am struggling to keep the Mo in Movember!!!
Regards
'Sailor Ape'
You poor luv, what started out in a generous, benign gesture seems to have turned out to be an utter disaster and failure. No luv not you a failure, well maybe you are I don't know.
Cast your mind back to other things that you thought would never grow, are you thinking on the right track here? Yes, that's good. Well, remember looking down and thinking grow you bugger grow, well that's exactly what is happening here, you are expecting too much at once, well maybe you are expecting a miracle in your case.
Take no notice of those who jibe and mock, just do what you did when 'THAT' was a wee small thing, hide it in the corner and hope no one notices, or you could try talking with your hand covering your mouth.
One thing, 'DO NOT GIVE UP' it matters not what you have, it's what you do with it that counts darhling.
As for the mythical tickle button, it's not that mythical, Believe me I have been there and OOooh when it's done right. AHEM. sorry about that. (just let me cross my legs).
All I can say is persevere, it will grow every day and by the end of the month you may have sprouted a fine bush.. Then again you may not have.
Other great properties of the moustache are:
1. It attracts food particles so you won’t go hungry when you wake up in the middle of the night.
2. It takes off some of that annoying froth from the top of your beer, and by the time you have drank your beer it has turned into more beer to drink while you wait for that lazy bar wench to pour your next one.
3. It makes a good disguise for your nefarious activities.
4. It stops people laughing at your ugly features, it gives them something else to laugh at.
5. The wife doesn't make you walk ten paces behind her any more, she just introduces you as some strange man who keeps following her about.
6. The kids will go to bed when told, they must be frightened to death of you with that caterpillar under your nose.
7. And lastly, you don't have to trim your nostril hair any more, you can just comb them in.
Hope this helps Darhling. Oh and well done for even thinking you could grow a moutache, but then you were never the brightest sparkler in the box were you.
Bye Luvvies, speak soon. MWAH X X
**Final Say**
SO there we have it. Monday done and dusted with. Onto Tuesday with haste. Bring on the week, we can take it and we're dam sure Atlantis can to. But if you can't and need a little help then remember to send a letter to Tarquin here at 'The Star' and you may see it published. Just PM 'Burnside'. Bring on Tuesday...HOORAA...
Copy right reserved TM
Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand
Official Sponsors of the *AFL*
**************************THE ATLANTIS STAR***********************
****************************************************************
-----------------------Bringing you all the latest Guild News-------------
**The News In The Guild**
So it's the beginning of a new week and with it brings new problems to solve and new gossip to report. 'The Star' had an eventful weekend so we look upon this week as a fresh start for all things concerned. Today has seen all manner of achievements so maybe we should get on with telling you about them.
Today saw 1 returning player rejoin Atlantis. 'blzbob' was last seen heading back to Hell in order to pay 'pradeepprotex' a visit leaving Atlantis in the process. However when he arrived in Flame Land he found that 'pradeepprotex' had left to go and visit him. This mix up was most unfortunate but 'blzbob' has returned to Atlantis and by begging for 5h was allowed entrance once again into Atlantis by our Leader 'John Galt'. Both 'blzbob' and 'pradeepprotex' have now met once again and are apparently enjoying each other’s company.
This turn of events has lead to 'empted' being kicked from the Guild. He was found dead on the steps of 'Hokage14's' Public Bath covered in women’s swim suits. When 'doctiny628' was eventually called he diagnosed that 'empted' had died of a Heart Attack or natural causes. The Atlantis Police Force (APF) has not yet decided whether or not the swim suits are a factor in the case but 'Hokage14' said a few words to our reporter as 'empted's' lifeless body was being kicked out the front doors of Atlantis by 'John Galt. "I really don't know what happened; we had just come back from our weekend match and decided to go nude for our daily rubdown. Big deal". 'Hokage14' obviously underestimated the one weakness of a man.
Science news now and 2 Guildies make that eternally long process of moving into a new age. 'Lord Farral' has advanced into the LMA which is just as well seeing as he is our eyes at the frontier. "We need the best technology available at all time here at the frontlines" was his response to the news. We couldn't agree more 'Lord Farral'. But it was 'dommie' who shook the labs today by advancing into the CA by inventing Muskets. These new weapons will help 'dommie' conquer new territories and help defend his city 'NO POLISH' from invasion. Although anyone who has been to 'dommie's' city 'NO POLISH' really wouldn't know where to start. Confusing.. Hmm..
**Other News**
Tarquin was ecstatic today after he, she, it received another letter from another Guildie. It would seem that there are more problems to solve (hopefully) than was first anticipated. Don't worry though Atlantis. We as ever will always try our best to tackle any problem head on in the hope of making your lives that little bit easier. So pom pom's at the ready it's Tarquin Time.
******* Tarquin Buttockclencher, the answer to all your little problems *********
"I'm a little tea pot small and stout, here's my handle, here's my spout"
'Oh, Hello guildies, didn't see you there, I was just practising my poses, you know how they go... that's it Lord Zand put your hand on your hip... OOOoooh it quite suits you. Hey Burnside, now you do the spout bit..
They are not very happy today... But I AM. Yes I have received another letter from one of our guild members so that means I get to stay for another week at least. PLEASE help me stay longer guildies, PLEASE send in some more letters, I would hate to leave all you deliciously adorable people.
Anyway, onto the letter, It comes from a very strange sounding character who I really don't know if I could trust. Lets call him 'Sailor Ape' just to keep him anonymous. Here is his letter.
Dear Tarquin,
I am a long time reader, but first time poster.
First of all I would like to congratulate you on the comfort you bring to your readers. I for for one have had many a restless night's sleep comforted from the power of your soothing pen. (Well top marks for flattery my luv). My problem is thus. I have taken the decision to grow a moustache for MoVember. Unfortunately this has not gone quite to plan. Initial hopes for proceedings were for it to have a Burt Reynolds kind of effect, as it turns out it's more like a Brendan Brady!
Work colleagues can’t look me in the eye, I can't get served at the local inn and the mythical tickle button is still, well a "Myth". Am I grooming my Moustache wrong? Should I continue?
Other pro's and cons of Moustache's would be greatly received as I am struggling to keep the Mo in Movember!!!
Regards
'Sailor Ape'
You poor luv, what started out in a generous, benign gesture seems to have turned out to be an utter disaster and failure. No luv not you a failure, well maybe you are I don't know.
Cast your mind back to other things that you thought would never grow, are you thinking on the right track here? Yes, that's good. Well, remember looking down and thinking grow you bugger grow, well that's exactly what is happening here, you are expecting too much at once, well maybe you are expecting a miracle in your case.
Take no notice of those who jibe and mock, just do what you did when 'THAT' was a wee small thing, hide it in the corner and hope no one notices, or you could try talking with your hand covering your mouth.
One thing, 'DO NOT GIVE UP' it matters not what you have, it's what you do with it that counts darhling.
As for the mythical tickle button, it's not that mythical, Believe me I have been there and OOooh when it's done right. AHEM. sorry about that. (just let me cross my legs).
All I can say is persevere, it will grow every day and by the end of the month you may have sprouted a fine bush.. Then again you may not have.
Other great properties of the moustache are:
1. It attracts food particles so you won’t go hungry when you wake up in the middle of the night.
2. It takes off some of that annoying froth from the top of your beer, and by the time you have drank your beer it has turned into more beer to drink while you wait for that lazy bar wench to pour your next one.
3. It makes a good disguise for your nefarious activities.
4. It stops people laughing at your ugly features, it gives them something else to laugh at.
5. The wife doesn't make you walk ten paces behind her any more, she just introduces you as some strange man who keeps following her about.
6. The kids will go to bed when told, they must be frightened to death of you with that caterpillar under your nose.
7. And lastly, you don't have to trim your nostril hair any more, you can just comb them in.
Hope this helps Darhling. Oh and well done for even thinking you could grow a moutache, but then you were never the brightest sparkler in the box were you.
Bye Luvvies, speak soon. MWAH X X
**Final Say**
SO there we have it. Monday done and dusted with. Onto Tuesday with haste. Bring on the week, we can take it and we're dam sure Atlantis can to. But if you can't and need a little help then remember to send a letter to Tarquin here at 'The Star' and you may see it published. Just PM 'Burnside'. Bring on Tuesday...HOORAA...
Copy right reserved TM
Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand
Official Sponsors of the *AFL*