RichinZhills
Corporal
This is more of just a simple little continuing story about my Hover Tank captain, whose ongoing mission is to simply make my life more aggravating:
You know, I've been thinking about the brave souls piloting my Hover Tanks in battle, and I have some questions for HQ. Namely, who in the Future Era thought it was a good idea to install bargain-bin GPS systems in these things?
Let me set the scene: my Hover Tank is cruising across a perfect battlefield. Plenty of open plains to exploit its invisibility and dominate the enemy’s Progressive-era troops. The plan is flawless. What could go wrong? Enter Captain Hoverbrain, whose decision-making skills seem to come straight out of a comedy sketch.
Instead of using the wide, open, safe plains that practically beg for invisibility, Captain Hoverbrain decides to casually drift into the nearest forest, hill, or any other random square that screams "shoot me here!" I imagine him sitting in the cockpit, squinting at his malfunctioning GPS as it confidently announces, "Recalculating… turn left into enemy fire in 50 feet."
And don’t even get me started on the circuitry in these tanks. I swear, it’s like HQ repurposed toaster parts and called it cutting-edge tech. The poor pilot probably spends most of the battle high on carbon monoxide fumes because of a faulty exhaust system. How else do you explain the suicidal moves? He’s probably seeing double by the time the first round of enemy fire hits.
Meanwhile, my perfectly good strategy goes up in smoke (like Captain Hoverbrain’s brain cells), and I’m left watching in horror as my Hover Tank, my expensive, high-tech, supposed-to-be-unstoppable Future unit—gets lit up by Progressive-era snipers who are probably just as confused as I am about how they got the shot. Not to mention all the damage Arty does when my Tank is supposed to be immune to distant attacks.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the tank’s AI system is actively working against me. Maybe the onboard computer had a grudge because I skipped the last software update? Or maybe HQ thought it’d be fun to test their "adaptive AI learning" by making the tanks stupider over time.
Can someone please patch Captain Hoverbrain’s GPS, detox the cockpit, and remind these tanks that they’re supposed to stay on plains? I’m not asking for perfection—just a little less self-sabotage from my Future troops. Until then, I’ll just keep watching my Hover Tanks roll into danger like they’re auditioning for a stunt car crash scene on a Mad Maxx remake.
RIP, Hover Tank. You were brave. You were powerful. You were also incredibly dumb.
-A frustrated commander who misses the good old days of units that actually listened.
You know, I've been thinking about the brave souls piloting my Hover Tanks in battle, and I have some questions for HQ. Namely, who in the Future Era thought it was a good idea to install bargain-bin GPS systems in these things?
Let me set the scene: my Hover Tank is cruising across a perfect battlefield. Plenty of open plains to exploit its invisibility and dominate the enemy’s Progressive-era troops. The plan is flawless. What could go wrong? Enter Captain Hoverbrain, whose decision-making skills seem to come straight out of a comedy sketch.
Instead of using the wide, open, safe plains that practically beg for invisibility, Captain Hoverbrain decides to casually drift into the nearest forest, hill, or any other random square that screams "shoot me here!" I imagine him sitting in the cockpit, squinting at his malfunctioning GPS as it confidently announces, "Recalculating… turn left into enemy fire in 50 feet."
And don’t even get me started on the circuitry in these tanks. I swear, it’s like HQ repurposed toaster parts and called it cutting-edge tech. The poor pilot probably spends most of the battle high on carbon monoxide fumes because of a faulty exhaust system. How else do you explain the suicidal moves? He’s probably seeing double by the time the first round of enemy fire hits.
Meanwhile, my perfectly good strategy goes up in smoke (like Captain Hoverbrain’s brain cells), and I’m left watching in horror as my Hover Tank, my expensive, high-tech, supposed-to-be-unstoppable Future unit—gets lit up by Progressive-era snipers who are probably just as confused as I am about how they got the shot. Not to mention all the damage Arty does when my Tank is supposed to be immune to distant attacks.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the tank’s AI system is actively working against me. Maybe the onboard computer had a grudge because I skipped the last software update? Or maybe HQ thought it’d be fun to test their "adaptive AI learning" by making the tanks stupider over time.
Can someone please patch Captain Hoverbrain’s GPS, detox the cockpit, and remind these tanks that they’re supposed to stay on plains? I’m not asking for perfection—just a little less self-sabotage from my Future troops. Until then, I’ll just keep watching my Hover Tanks roll into danger like they’re auditioning for a stunt car crash scene on a Mad Maxx remake.
RIP, Hover Tank. You were brave. You were powerful. You were also incredibly dumb.
-A frustrated commander who misses the good old days of units that actually listened.
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