DeletedUser
this is the antidote to the OFFICIAL competition about new, wonderful great buildings you want to have in your city.
these are buildings you don't want. seriously. you're stuck with them and and it's only going to get worse. they are Great Monstrosities.
nobody wins this competition. there are no prizes for this competition, except the possible chance to win the undying HATRED of your fellow gamers here if Anwar goes "gosh! that's a cool idea!" and codes it in.
there are no rules, you can be as creatively sarky and sarcastic as you dare, and remember if you see your entry appear in the game, you'll probably regret posting here forever more.
here's your first three for starters:
1.) Albert Memorial (London 1872)
your only warning that this dreadful Monstrosity is about to land in your city, is that all the little people walking around are suddenly wearing black. one of your 1x1 decorations will disappear to be replaced by this bright white and gold tasteless cake decoration, although it will quite happily replace any section of road it chooses if you have panicked, flattened the lot and tried to concrete over any spare space going.
the existence of the Albert Memorial in your city prevents your city from ever being enthusiastic again, no matter how many Natural History Museums you buy. the happiness "smiley face" indicator icon on your screen disappears and is replaced by a miserable face, mouseover no longer provides any information about the happiness of your population but instead grumbles about the weather.
your attacking forces automatically win every battle you fight without any intervention on your part. however, this is a waste of effort as any expasions you win and place immediately fill with cricket pitches.
your enemies can add forge points to your Albert Memorial to increase it in level. every level added decreases your population's happiness by 1% per level as they get beaten even more at cricket. Worse still, 2% per level of your supplies production disappears as your workers sneak off to watch the cricket.
at level ten, every Event News screen carries a top line of "Your city has lost the Ashes... again" and your military advisor pops up even more often than totally annoying to ask you if you would like another cup of tea - while you are trying to move something.
despite being covered in nearly nude statues (with several uncovered boobies showing), your entire population will become obsessed by covering table legs in white lace cottons, but this has no effect on game-play except that trying to place new houses to increase your population causes a popup to appear saying "What disgusting behaviour!", disappearing again before you can click it shut.
attempts to remove the Albert Memorial merely result in a crowd appearing round it, waving placards, it cannot be got rid of, or even moved somewhere it can be quietly forgotten about. you're stuck with it.
2.) Millennium Dome (London, 2000)
a new quest advisor appears on your quest sidebar, called Tony B.Liar. this new advisor tells you about his plan for a new Great Building, which will add to your (and his) prestige forever more. there is no [Skip] button on this quest, and more worryingly, no [Accept] button either. random housing, production and goods buildings, roads, anything in fact proceed to disappear at random, until there is a large 5x5 space somewhere slap-bang in the middle of your city.
at which point this Great Monstrosity appears, looking like a spiky patch of ambitious fungi, along with a lot of tasteless flashing firework graphics. your gold amount is now shown as a large negative number, and you will find placing any new building impossible. when you have finally got this figure above zero, the Millennium Dome continues to suck 2% per level of your gold income, and your enemies can add forge points to increase your "Culture Awareness" - whatever that means - and leave you facing an even bigger bill with each new level.
at level 10, Tony B.Liar disappears to try to become President of Yourroppe - wherever that is, fails, and comes back again. any attempts you make to execute any action in the game, randomly pops up his dialogue box to tell you that while - whatever you're about to do - he could do better, he will not interfere with your decisions. for some reason, the cancel button has to be clicked several times before this popup dialogue box will close, only to re-appear again a few minutes later.
attempts to remove the Millennium Dome from your city merely result your gold amount decreasing rapidly, in fact, even moving the mouse pointer within 3 squares of it, seems to have the same effect. even if you rage quit the game and attempt to delete your account, it will never disappear, and remain for your neighbourhood to look at occasionally and laugh their dirty socks off at.
3.) The Internet
this Great Monstrosity sneaks into your city without any warning or indication that it is there, except a few mysterious cable lines appearing to lead into it from the inaccessible parts of your map, and that some of the little people walking round your city are now sporting back-to-front baseball caps on their heads and one of them is now wearing what can only be assumed to be a hoodie, and looking very rich.
your enemies can add forge points to increase the connectivity of your Internet Great Monstrosity. every level decreases your gold income by 2% per level as your population start buying too much online and frighteningly decreasing supplies production by 4% per level as your workers swap pictures of cute kittens over it and look at each other's statuses, instead of working.
at first, though, happiness in the city increases by 10% for no apparent reason whatsoever. randomly once a week or so however, all the connecting cables start to flash, happiness and output plummets to zero, and nothing happens in your city for the rest of the day.
at level 10, signs saying "play INNOGAMES" appear on buildings all over your city, this has no effect except to infrequently mess up the graphics.
attempts to remove The Internet from your city, or even clicking on the connecting cables, causes you to get logged off and crashes your browser simultaneously. logging back into the game produces a popup message which says "L33VE OUR NETZ ALONE L0S3R S1GN3D ANONNYMOUSE" and all of your little people are now shown walking round your city wearing weird white masks. in fact, nothing can make this Monstrosity go away, short of throwing your computer out the window.
___
tracey
you know it could happen...
these are buildings you don't want. seriously. you're stuck with them and and it's only going to get worse. they are Great Monstrosities.
nobody wins this competition. there are no prizes for this competition, except the possible chance to win the undying HATRED of your fellow gamers here if Anwar goes "gosh! that's a cool idea!" and codes it in.
there are no rules, you can be as creatively sarky and sarcastic as you dare, and remember if you see your entry appear in the game, you'll probably regret posting here forever more.
here's your first three for starters:
1.) Albert Memorial (London 1872)
your only warning that this dreadful Monstrosity is about to land in your city, is that all the little people walking around are suddenly wearing black. one of your 1x1 decorations will disappear to be replaced by this bright white and gold tasteless cake decoration, although it will quite happily replace any section of road it chooses if you have panicked, flattened the lot and tried to concrete over any spare space going.
the existence of the Albert Memorial in your city prevents your city from ever being enthusiastic again, no matter how many Natural History Museums you buy. the happiness "smiley face" indicator icon on your screen disappears and is replaced by a miserable face, mouseover no longer provides any information about the happiness of your population but instead grumbles about the weather.
your attacking forces automatically win every battle you fight without any intervention on your part. however, this is a waste of effort as any expasions you win and place immediately fill with cricket pitches.
your enemies can add forge points to your Albert Memorial to increase it in level. every level added decreases your population's happiness by 1% per level as they get beaten even more at cricket. Worse still, 2% per level of your supplies production disappears as your workers sneak off to watch the cricket.
at level ten, every Event News screen carries a top line of "Your city has lost the Ashes... again" and your military advisor pops up even more often than totally annoying to ask you if you would like another cup of tea - while you are trying to move something.
despite being covered in nearly nude statues (with several uncovered boobies showing), your entire population will become obsessed by covering table legs in white lace cottons, but this has no effect on game-play except that trying to place new houses to increase your population causes a popup to appear saying "What disgusting behaviour!", disappearing again before you can click it shut.
attempts to remove the Albert Memorial merely result in a crowd appearing round it, waving placards, it cannot be got rid of, or even moved somewhere it can be quietly forgotten about. you're stuck with it.
2.) Millennium Dome (London, 2000)
a new quest advisor appears on your quest sidebar, called Tony B.Liar. this new advisor tells you about his plan for a new Great Building, which will add to your (and his) prestige forever more. there is no [Skip] button on this quest, and more worryingly, no [Accept] button either. random housing, production and goods buildings, roads, anything in fact proceed to disappear at random, until there is a large 5x5 space somewhere slap-bang in the middle of your city.
at which point this Great Monstrosity appears, looking like a spiky patch of ambitious fungi, along with a lot of tasteless flashing firework graphics. your gold amount is now shown as a large negative number, and you will find placing any new building impossible. when you have finally got this figure above zero, the Millennium Dome continues to suck 2% per level of your gold income, and your enemies can add forge points to increase your "Culture Awareness" - whatever that means - and leave you facing an even bigger bill with each new level.
at level 10, Tony B.Liar disappears to try to become President of Yourroppe - wherever that is, fails, and comes back again. any attempts you make to execute any action in the game, randomly pops up his dialogue box to tell you that while - whatever you're about to do - he could do better, he will not interfere with your decisions. for some reason, the cancel button has to be clicked several times before this popup dialogue box will close, only to re-appear again a few minutes later.
attempts to remove the Millennium Dome from your city merely result your gold amount decreasing rapidly, in fact, even moving the mouse pointer within 3 squares of it, seems to have the same effect. even if you rage quit the game and attempt to delete your account, it will never disappear, and remain for your neighbourhood to look at occasionally and laugh their dirty socks off at.
3.) The Internet
this Great Monstrosity sneaks into your city without any warning or indication that it is there, except a few mysterious cable lines appearing to lead into it from the inaccessible parts of your map, and that some of the little people walking round your city are now sporting back-to-front baseball caps on their heads and one of them is now wearing what can only be assumed to be a hoodie, and looking very rich.
your enemies can add forge points to increase the connectivity of your Internet Great Monstrosity. every level decreases your gold income by 2% per level as your population start buying too much online and frighteningly decreasing supplies production by 4% per level as your workers swap pictures of cute kittens over it and look at each other's statuses, instead of working.
at first, though, happiness in the city increases by 10% for no apparent reason whatsoever. randomly once a week or so however, all the connecting cables start to flash, happiness and output plummets to zero, and nothing happens in your city for the rest of the day.
at level 10, signs saying "play INNOGAMES" appear on buildings all over your city, this has no effect except to infrequently mess up the graphics.
attempts to remove The Internet from your city, or even clicking on the connecting cables, causes you to get logged off and crashes your browser simultaneously. logging back into the game produces a popup message which says "L33VE OUR NETZ ALONE L0S3R S1GN3D ANONNYMOUSE" and all of your little people are now shown walking round your city wearing weird white masks. in fact, nothing can make this Monstrosity go away, short of throwing your computer out the window.
___
tracey
you know it could happen...
)